Dear Carol
Messed-up Friend My guy friend knows I'm crushing on him, but he said he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. But then I cried, which was a HUGE mistake. Now he won't even reply to my IMs. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. Help!
Dear Messed-up Friend,
Time helps. For now, give him space. Be friendly but casual. Your situation isn't unusual, so hang in there. You may be a wreck today, but tomorrow you will feel a little bit better. A guy who is uncomfortable with your affection wouldn't make a good BF anyway. You'll eventually meet a guy who will be thrilled you like him.
Gutter Girl
I have three older brothers who are great but, because of them, I have a dirtier mind than most girls. My guy friends think it's funny — they can relax and joke around me — but my girl friends get grossed out. One asked if I was a guy in disguise! How can I show I can have a clean mind while keeping a sense of humor?
Dear Gutter Girl,
You're a girl with a sense of humor who's comfortable around guys — and that's a good thing! It's a co-ed world, so seeing things from both perspectives is a strength, not a weakness. However, it's smart to be aware of whom you're talking with. You might talk one way with certain guys, another with certain girls or teachers or friends' moms. Don't turn everything into a joke, but don't censor your thoughts.
Period-less I'm 15 and still haven't bad a period. I feel left out. Everyone says I'm lucky, but I want to fit in. A period comes with advantages, such as boobs. I don't have those either. What's wrong with me?
Dear Period-less,
Nothing's wrong with you — period. For every girl who started at 10, there's one who started at 15. Even after menstruation begins, not everyone has the same bra size. Appreciate your body for what it is. You'll probably get your period soon, but you can't rush Mother Nature. Be patient, and trust that your body is changing inside and out. If you focus on activities you enjoy, you'll realize you fit in better than you think.
Flustered and Confused I was abused when I was little, and I told my boyfriend. He says he understands, but he doesn't. Sometimes I pull away when he tries to kiss me or hold me, and he thinks I don't love him. How can I show him affection even when I'm jumpy and scared?
Dear Flustered and Confused, I'm so sorry someone took terrible advantage of you. It's normal to want to take things slowly, and it's admirable that you're honest with your boyfriend. Try saying, "I care about you, but I get nervous." Remind him not to take it personally when you pull away. It might also help to talk to a counselor or to call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE. Take your time. If your boyfriend pressures you, you should re-evaluate the relationship. If he isn't supportive, he might not be right for you.
Concerned Friend My friend's parents have been divorced for years, but she just found out her dad is gay. She says she's OK with it, but I don't think she is. I'm pretty sure she feels different about her dad. What can I do to comfort her?
Dear Concerned Friend,
Just listening without judging or gossiping is helpful. If you think your friend wants to talk, say, "You must have complicated feelings about this." If she doesn't open up, respect her right to be discreet. It's not always easy to accept when a family secret is revealed. It will take time for your friend to absorb and get comfortable with these new circumstances.
Lost Without a BFF My BFF and I have been friends since pre-K. Lately, she ignores me for other friends. She rarely invites me over. When I tried talking to her about it, she smiled and walked away. How can I make her understand I'm lonely?
Dear Lost Without a BFF,
I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. But instead of striving to make your friend understand this, make new friends. Can you meet some girls at the pool or rec center? Who else likes to swim or throw Frisbees or go to concerts or whatever it is you do in the summer? Going away for a vacation might also help clear your mind. Is there a camp friend or cousin you can visit? It's possible you and your BFF will become close again, but when you see her, be upbeat rather than letting her know you feel lost. When you want to get closer to someone, it's better to seem less needy.
Desperate I'm 14 and desperately anticipating sex. Enough to where I simulate it. I promised myself I'd stop, but I keep breaking my promise. I keep thinking what my relatives and friends would think. I can't talk to my parents about it.
Dear Desperate,
Don't be so hard on yourself. Simulating sex is safe and common. A really bad idea would be to rush into the arms of a random guy just because you feel curious or desirous. Too-soon sex can leave a girl pregnant, diseased, heartbroken or all of the above. But simulation? Not a crime. Just be sure to lock your bedroom door during these private moments.
Best of the Best I feel the need to be the best at everything I do. I can't stand people who don't take school or sports seriously. It stresses me out, but how do I fix this?
Dear Best of the Best,
It is stressful to aim for perfection and to think less of those who do things at their own pace. Summer is a good time to learn to enjoy life — not just conquer it. Decide what you want to excel in rather than pushing to be the best in every single activity. Maybe you love to win at tennis. Fine. Work on your serves. But when you go bowling or play Monopoly, relax and enjoy. As long as you have fun, you're always a winner!
Bad Friend Blues I have a friend who hits, pinches, steals and calls me names. She is a deceiving, backstabbing meanie. She always tells me what she took from other girls. She never gets in trouble because she denies it. What should I do?
Dear Bad Friend Blues,
Consider making her your ex-friend. Don't announce, "It's over." But slowly become less available. Stop texting or inviting her over. Stay civil because someone who is no fun as a friend is much worse as an enemy. You can't change her, but you can put more space between you and her.
Toe Tall I'm going out with a boy. He's 16, and I'm 14. He's smart, funny and nice. I like him, except he is shorter than I am. By a lot!
Dear Too Tall,
He might be too old for you, but I don't think he's too short for you. Why not wear flats? If you really like this smart, funny, nice guy, don't let a height difference bother you. He's probably still growing.
Negative
My grandma moved in with us, and I had to give her my room and move to the basement. I don't like my grandma. She's always sad and acts like she's lost. I'm not talkative, so our conversations last about five seconds. I had a dream about her falling down the stairs. My mom says I'm too negative, but I can't help it. I kinda hate myself now.
Dear Negative,
Don't hate yourself. It is natural to feel less than pleased about giving up your room. Accept your mixed feelings. Can you say, "Mom, I respect you for inviting Grandma to live with us, but I wish you'd acknowledge that it's a bit difficult"? A silver lining: Summer is the season for sleeping over at friends' homes.
Boys or Friends My friend is anti-boys, while I'm totally obsessed with them. She says if I don't start being less boy-crazy, she won't be friends with me. She's a great bud, but what is better — boys or Mends?
Dear Boys or Friends,
Since when do you have to choose? And since when do friends have to agree on everything? Don't lose a great friend — just make an effort when you're with her to cease the talk about your endless crushes. Discuss the boys with other girls, but since this friend has made it clear that your incessant conversation about cuties is annoying, choose topics you both care about. Books? Movies? Sports? Actors? Vacations? College? Careers? Clothes? Horses? It's OK to be boy-crazy, but know when to change the channel.
Carol Weston's advice books include For Girls Only and Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You (HarperCollins). Her novels, including The Diary of Melanie Martin (Knopf), are out in paperback. Her website Is carolweston.com. You can also write Dear Carol, c/o Girls' Life, 4529 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD 21214. For a reply, include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. She can't answer every question personally — but she tries!
Life thrown you a curve ball? Carol is now online and ready to help! Chock out girlslife.com for answers to your dilemmas.
By Carol Weston
Dear Messed-up Friend,
Time helps. For now, give him space. Be friendly but casual. Your situation isn't unusual, so hang in there. You may be a wreck today, but tomorrow you will feel a little bit better. A guy who is uncomfortable with your affection wouldn't make a good BF anyway. You'll eventually meet a guy who will be thrilled you like him.
Gutter Girl
I have three older brothers who are great but, because of them, I have a dirtier mind than most girls. My guy friends think it's funny — they can relax and joke around me — but my girl friends get grossed out. One asked if I was a guy in disguise! How can I show I can have a clean mind while keeping a sense of humor?
Dear Gutter Girl,
You're a girl with a sense of humor who's comfortable around guys — and that's a good thing! It's a co-ed world, so seeing things from both perspectives is a strength, not a weakness. However, it's smart to be aware of whom you're talking with. You might talk one way with certain guys, another with certain girls or teachers or friends' moms. Don't turn everything into a joke, but don't censor your thoughts.
Period-less I'm 15 and still haven't bad a period. I feel left out. Everyone says I'm lucky, but I want to fit in. A period comes with advantages, such as boobs. I don't have those either. What's wrong with me?
Dear Period-less,
Nothing's wrong with you — period. For every girl who started at 10, there's one who started at 15. Even after menstruation begins, not everyone has the same bra size. Appreciate your body for what it is. You'll probably get your period soon, but you can't rush Mother Nature. Be patient, and trust that your body is changing inside and out. If you focus on activities you enjoy, you'll realize you fit in better than you think.
Flustered and Confused I was abused when I was little, and I told my boyfriend. He says he understands, but he doesn't. Sometimes I pull away when he tries to kiss me or hold me, and he thinks I don't love him. How can I show him affection even when I'm jumpy and scared?
Dear Flustered and Confused, I'm so sorry someone took terrible advantage of you. It's normal to want to take things slowly, and it's admirable that you're honest with your boyfriend. Try saying, "I care about you, but I get nervous." Remind him not to take it personally when you pull away. It might also help to talk to a counselor or to call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE. Take your time. If your boyfriend pressures you, you should re-evaluate the relationship. If he isn't supportive, he might not be right for you.
Concerned Friend My friend's parents have been divorced for years, but she just found out her dad is gay. She says she's OK with it, but I don't think she is. I'm pretty sure she feels different about her dad. What can I do to comfort her?
Dear Concerned Friend,
Just listening without judging or gossiping is helpful. If you think your friend wants to talk, say, "You must have complicated feelings about this." If she doesn't open up, respect her right to be discreet. It's not always easy to accept when a family secret is revealed. It will take time for your friend to absorb and get comfortable with these new circumstances.
Lost Without a BFF My BFF and I have been friends since pre-K. Lately, she ignores me for other friends. She rarely invites me over. When I tried talking to her about it, she smiled and walked away. How can I make her understand I'm lonely?
Dear Lost Without a BFF,
I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. But instead of striving to make your friend understand this, make new friends. Can you meet some girls at the pool or rec center? Who else likes to swim or throw Frisbees or go to concerts or whatever it is you do in the summer? Going away for a vacation might also help clear your mind. Is there a camp friend or cousin you can visit? It's possible you and your BFF will become close again, but when you see her, be upbeat rather than letting her know you feel lost. When you want to get closer to someone, it's better to seem less needy.
Desperate I'm 14 and desperately anticipating sex. Enough to where I simulate it. I promised myself I'd stop, but I keep breaking my promise. I keep thinking what my relatives and friends would think. I can't talk to my parents about it.
Dear Desperate,
Don't be so hard on yourself. Simulating sex is safe and common. A really bad idea would be to rush into the arms of a random guy just because you feel curious or desirous. Too-soon sex can leave a girl pregnant, diseased, heartbroken or all of the above. But simulation? Not a crime. Just be sure to lock your bedroom door during these private moments.
Best of the Best I feel the need to be the best at everything I do. I can't stand people who don't take school or sports seriously. It stresses me out, but how do I fix this?
Dear Best of the Best,
It is stressful to aim for perfection and to think less of those who do things at their own pace. Summer is a good time to learn to enjoy life — not just conquer it. Decide what you want to excel in rather than pushing to be the best in every single activity. Maybe you love to win at tennis. Fine. Work on your serves. But when you go bowling or play Monopoly, relax and enjoy. As long as you have fun, you're always a winner!
Bad Friend Blues I have a friend who hits, pinches, steals and calls me names. She is a deceiving, backstabbing meanie. She always tells me what she took from other girls. She never gets in trouble because she denies it. What should I do?
Dear Bad Friend Blues,
Consider making her your ex-friend. Don't announce, "It's over." But slowly become less available. Stop texting or inviting her over. Stay civil because someone who is no fun as a friend is much worse as an enemy. You can't change her, but you can put more space between you and her.
Toe Tall I'm going out with a boy. He's 16, and I'm 14. He's smart, funny and nice. I like him, except he is shorter than I am. By a lot!
Dear Too Tall,
He might be too old for you, but I don't think he's too short for you. Why not wear flats? If you really like this smart, funny, nice guy, don't let a height difference bother you. He's probably still growing.
Negative
My grandma moved in with us, and I had to give her my room and move to the basement. I don't like my grandma. She's always sad and acts like she's lost. I'm not talkative, so our conversations last about five seconds. I had a dream about her falling down the stairs. My mom says I'm too negative, but I can't help it. I kinda hate myself now.
Dear Negative,
Don't hate yourself. It is natural to feel less than pleased about giving up your room. Accept your mixed feelings. Can you say, "Mom, I respect you for inviting Grandma to live with us, but I wish you'd acknowledge that it's a bit difficult"? A silver lining: Summer is the season for sleeping over at friends' homes.
Boys or Friends My friend is anti-boys, while I'm totally obsessed with them. She says if I don't start being less boy-crazy, she won't be friends with me. She's a great bud, but what is better — boys or Mends?
Dear Boys or Friends,
Since when do you have to choose? And since when do friends have to agree on everything? Don't lose a great friend — just make an effort when you're with her to cease the talk about your endless crushes. Discuss the boys with other girls, but since this friend has made it clear that your incessant conversation about cuties is annoying, choose topics you both care about. Books? Movies? Sports? Actors? Vacations? College? Careers? Clothes? Horses? It's OK to be boy-crazy, but know when to change the channel.
Carol Weston's advice books include For Girls Only and Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You (HarperCollins). Her novels, including The Diary of Melanie Martin (Knopf), are out in paperback. Her website Is carolweston.com. You can also write Dear Carol, c/o Girls' Life, 4529 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD 21214. For a reply, include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. She can't answer every question personally — but she tries!
Life thrown you a curve ball? Carol is now online and ready to help! Chock out girlslife.com for answers to your dilemmas.
By Carol Weston
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